Last week I shared the story of my experience in a grocery store parking lot with a young man who verbally accosted me.
This was a great lesson in how to show up when others are not at their best. I diffused a potentially conflict-laden situation.
But what if the person creating the conflict is you?
That’s where a key leadership skill comes into play.
The lack of this skill is the number one issue plaguing the business leaders I coach.
They have no clue how they show up in the world – how they are perceived by others.
They are very aware of the behaviors of others that they feel need to change, however.
If you are someone who really doesn’t know how others see you, perhaps its’ time to look in the mirror.
Not in a judgy way. In an honest and sincere way.
6 Tips to Become More Self Aware:
- Get feedback. This isn’t about opinions. It’s about getting honest and direct feedback about your behavior from people you trust to do just that. No opinions here. Just the facts.
- Decide. Once you’ve received the feedback, what are you going to do with it? Changing your behavior isn’t easy. Ask yourself when is the last time you made a substantial and lasting change in your behavior. You need to make the decision to do the work that’s required. Then, figure out what that work will look like.
- Choose. There may be more than one thing you’ve received comments on, so you’ll want to ponder which behavior change will have the biggest impact on the rest of them? If your passion is perceived as bullying, what will you change: speech volume or tone? Interrupting others? How you present your ideas (forceful vs suggestive). This isn’t a quick fix kind of thing. It takes some thoughtful consideration.
- Notice. Biggest thing you can do is to begin to notice how you’re showing up. Notice when you get irritated and what’s triggering the thoughts you’re having. Notice I didn’t say, notice what’s causing you to get irritated. Being irritated is your choice and it has nothing to do with the situation you’re in and everything to do with what you’re thinking about the situation.
- Be accountable. Tell a trusted friend what you’re working on to change and ask them to nicely point out when you’re doing that thing you want to stop doing. When you tell someone else, it’s no longer a secret plan. Verbalizing your plan gives it power.
- Practice. Keep noticing and keep practicing. When you want to get better at something, you gotta practice, particularly when it’s not something that comes naturally to you.
How people perceive you is what they think about you.
How can you help them change what they believe?
Do you need help in figuring out what you want to change in yourself? I’d love to help! Click here to schedule your 3-Point Mini Leadership Assessment Consultation with me today!